::jawdrop::

No wonder my jeans are getting tight.

The first label is from the meeting I went to Wednesday night. In jeans. At 630PM. I figured since Saturdays would be my weigh in days, I'd go again this morning and get weighed in for realsies. I expected to be around 173 (so says my scale at home) but. . . no. BIG FAT NO. Yikes.

This means I'm only 7 lbs away from when I originally started WW 2 years ago. That is so discouraging. I'm upset with myself that I let myself get this far off. Now instead of 15(ish) lbs to lose, I have closer to 30 lbs.

30 lbs. Punch in my gut.

However, at the meeting today the leader said something so obvious, but something I had never considered.

{Sidebar: For those not familiar with the WW system, you get daily points to use for food. The number is determined by your height and weight, and fluctuates as you lose. You also get a bank of 35 "flex" points, to be used as you wish for treats and splurges, and then you can also add activity points to your bank by working out. Points are only good for that week, so they don't carry over.}

She said your daily points should be spent on filling foods, and your flex points should be saved for those things you really want to splurge on. Like, a serving of potato chips. Or, a piece of cake at the birthday party. Obvious right? Well, I had been doing things a little bit differently. I had been basically dividing up those points and giving myself an extra 5 points a day. It increased the amount of food I could eat, but I never put much thought into WHAT I was really eating. Well, how am I supposed to learn proper eating habits when I'm eating whatever I want and not making really good choices? Revelation.

I threw out the cake.

Blasphemy in a past life. How things are in my new one.

My daughter's birthday party was on Sunday, and as most hosts do I overestimated the number of people that would be attending. Hence, TONS of leftover chocolate cake with buttercream frosting. I'm talking half a sheet. So yum. . . Anyway, I found myself taking bites here and there (and there and here and there) and realized at this point in my journey, having chocolate cake in my house was not conducive to my weight loss. So I tossed it in the trash.

And actually felt good about it.

In other news, I've upgraded my online WW tools to a monthly pass and will be going to meetings. As a child of an alcoholic, I found the meeting that I went to last night eerily similar to an AA meeting I went to with my father. First names only, bravo stickers, sharing stories. . . Am I addicted to food?? Perhaps. But if it can help my father (who is 8 years sober!) than maybe it can help me!

I've been avoiding you.

*sigh*

As anyone who has attempted to lose weight knows, the journey is full of stops and starts. I fell off the wagon big time and am not sure how much I'm up (since AF is here) but it's at least a couple pounds. Essentially, I'm back where I started and no where near where I need to be at this point. But, the part of this journey is learning and not giving up.

I leave for Europe March 25th, and my first mini goal is to lose 10 lbs by then. I need to buy some clothes for the trip but I've decided to wait until the week we leave so (hopefully) the stuff I buy will be at least a size smaller. That should help motivate me to stay on track! I've also enlisted a "weight loss buddy" who is going to Europe with me, and we will work together on WW to lose the weight.

So, starting over, with some tweaks. We'll see how this works!